Is your child expressing bedtime fears like fear of the dark, monsters or fear of being alone at bedtime?
This is common and can start as early as 2 or 3 years old when children’s imaginations start to run wild. I’ll never forget when one of my two-year-old twins started obsessing over Halloween decorations she saw in the neighbor’s yard last October.
Every night before bed, she would mention these scary decorations. Specifically, she was very afraid of “the black ghost” hanging on the tree next door. It took a lot of explaining and patience to really assure her that Halloween decorations are not real and completely make believe!
Toddlers and preschoolers are not yet mature enough to always be able to distinguish imagination from reality. It is your job to help your child if they are saying they are afraid of the dark or other related bedtime fears. You can learn how to help them feel secure as well as how to offer comfort and praise.
1) Evaluate Screen Time
If your child is expressing fears and is exposed to screens before bed, it may mean that you need to decrease the amount of screentime they have prior to falling asleep. I totally get it – most toddlers are in daycare or preschool all day. Once home, they are plopped in front of the TV to decompress while dinner is being prepared. You don’t need to rid the TV completely; however, we do suggest shutting the TV at least 90 minutes prior to bedtime.
Also, be sure to be aware of what your child is watching. What may seem harmless to us could be super scary to a child! My daughter was once watching a harmless (or what I thought was harmless) show about rocket ships… until aliens were brought into the picture. You can imagine the issues this caused us for the rest of the day/night.
2) Implement a Fun & Consistent Bedtime Routine
If you know me, you know that I am a huge fan of a predictable yet fun bedtime routine. Something to consider when evaluating your child’s fears is whether they have a consistent bedtime routine. Kids (especially toddlers and big kids) thrive off routine. Everything runs smoother when they know what to expect. Over the years, your bedtime routine should evolve. We still want to ensure that we are following the same sequence of events every night, however as kids age, it will inevitably look different.
How to Implement a Bedtime Routine
With toddlers and big kids, we want to make sure they feel like they are getting enough time with their caregivers. Of course, the typical steps such as bath, brush teeth and potty need to be present, however a step I often see parents skip is playtime! Yes, you read that correctly, toddlers and big kids should have a quick form of playtime with their caregiver(s) prior to bed. This is great one on one time to end the day before bed with your FULL attention. That means no phones or distractions on your part – just carefree playtime with whatever makes sense for your family. It helps get the wiggles out and can stimulate the body to psyche it out of any anxiety loops.
Some examples would be card games, puzzles or maybe something more physical like wrestling, tickle time or a dance party. Let your child pick what to do! Give them that authority as long as it does not involve screen time. Set a timer if your child has a hard time with accepting when playtime is over.
When your child has a fun, yet structured bedtime routine is helps them feel secure and safe.
Other mindful wind down routines include, reflecting on the day, saying prayers and deep belly breathing with a stuffy on their tummy. Mom and Dad should join in!
3) Use a Toddler Clock & Comfort Items to Help with Bedtime Fears
A toddler clock is an extremely helpful tool for children ages 2.5 and older. Toddler clocks such as the Hatch allow you to program certain colors at certain times which can help with kids who are newly transitioned from a crib to a bed. They can also double as a night light. If your child is expressing fear of the dark and is over age 2, I highly recommend investing in a toddler color clock.
You can let the toddler clock glow all night long, however, we do suggest using an amber or red light vs. a bright white light. Also, be sure to have the light on the dimmest setting. Doing this won’t disrupt their sleep as much but it should provide them with the comfort they are looking for. The color clock like the Hatch allows to have an additional tool at bedtime. It stands as a visual which helps kiddos know what to expect.
All the above suggestions should help your child conquer their bedtime fears. However, if your child is not falling asleep independently you will need more than these strategies to tackle these fears. If you are currently sleeping with your child or helping them to sleep every night, then you first need a clear step by step plan to get your child to sleep independently first. At Tweet Dreamzz Sleep Consulting we love working with toddlers and preschoolers! There is SO much that can be done to help your child sleep independently now that they have a better understanding of the world around them.
If your child is waking up throughout the night but not expressing any nighttime fears DO NOT PLANT ANY IDEAS IN THEIR HEAD! It’s natural to look for a reason behind your child’s broken sleep, however, don’t assume that it is because they are scared. It could be a number of reasons, and we are equipped in finding out the problem and executing a plan with a solution.
If you’re finding yourself constantly sneaking out of your child’s room every night, or they come crawling into your bed halfway through the night and you need some help getting everyone back in their own bed, look no further. Book a free discovery call with us today and we would be happy to walk you through our process and answer any questions that you may have! Sleep is just around the corner!
Stellina Ferri is the author of this article. Stellina is a certified pediatric sleep consultant and mom of three.
She supports families through the journey of better sleep as a consultant with Tweet Dreamzz Sleep Consulting. She lives in the Boston, MA area with her family.
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